Wednesday, April 29, 2009

And so it goes...again!

I got an email from "M's" caseworker. You all remember this boy?
They were going to place him with his not-so-fit (in my opinion) Biological Aunt and Uncle. Well something is up....

The email stated that he was going to be reevaluated by his doc. They were waiting for results of that. She was torn about his case. The home environment that would best suit his needs...or biological family. The caseworker asked that Andy and I "keep in touch".

Just another ploy to hook us. Will we be thrown back? How many chances are they going to give this family before they decide it is not right?

We have sent out queries on 5 other children. None of which happen to be in Maine.
One was sent to a "match meeting". We bowed out after a lot of consideration. This child should be the youngest. He was very jealous and needy (I would be as well, if I walked in his shoes), and wouldn't work well with 2 younger siblings. Especially a 10 month old.

I am surprised any children actually get adopted. There seems to be a never ending line of hoops to jump through. A lot of paper work to wade through...and bureaucracy.

Still there are those of us who keep plugging away. Muddling through. Hoping that someday we will be given the chance. The chance to love a child in need, and perhaps make a difference.

Monday, April 27, 2009

I'm back!

Out of the Quagmire! Better than before!
I have dealt with my issues...had a good heaving sob...and am back on the horse.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Ever feel though you are knee deep in muck. In all the shit that is life?
I have been stuck in it for almost 2 weeks.
No matter how I try, and can't get my boots loose. They get sucked back.

I have his hang up about doing something meaningful. Something that defines me as more than just a mother. Just a wife. Those of you who have small children know that doing something "big" is hard. I am lucky if I can keep up with the laundry. If dinner gets made. Pillow cases changed.

That's on a good day. Never mind if someone is sick or cutting teeth. Then I can't even pee on my own.

Well that being said, I feel as though I am the only one in my house standing still. Stuck in the crap.


That is actually what it all comes down to.

I. Am. Left. Behind.

My husband is directing a show for our local theatre group. I am so happy to see him once again involved. He loves it, and I love to see the fire of creativity in his eyes.

That is how we met. There is nothing so great, as being on stage. Especially when the person that you love most is standing with you. Sharing the spot light. Sharing the laughs.

It's OUR thing.

Andy-the-great is also going back to college. Again, I couldn't be more proud. It takes a lot to tuck your tail, and retake those shitty classes you failed. Sitting next to the over achieving 18 year old. Thinking about your classes..paper due...and making it to the dump on Saturday. No kegger for him.

I know that it may sound as though I am a bit jealous of my love.
I desperatly want him to go for it!
Do all those things that make him better...and happy. Creative. Successful.

I would like to be a partner in that. Not a spectator.

I want to help with the show. Be a reader. Sit behind him and watch him work. Share the "stories" that become the show.

I want to go to school too. Share that experience. Be able to talk about the professor with the bad comb over, and coffee breath. Research the theory of evolution.

3rd person, sucks!

It seems as though everything that makes him better...more creative...successful..
is without me. Away from me.

I am forever stuck in a mound of dirty Curious George panties and toddler socks. Making Fluffanutter sandwiches and chocolate milk. Watching other people walking on the road, while I am stuck in the muck!

Perhaps I need to board the Zoloft train.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

The cutest Picture EVER!

Here is a picture of my little "Fiff". The little bugga is crawling, and standing all alone. He is clapping and dancing. Even trying to sing.
I thought I was done having children. Completely content with my ,then 12 and nine year old.
Then in 2006, I got pregnant with Gabrielle. Such a surprise. I was overwhelmed and extremely excited! Starting again!
At that point, I KNEW I WAS DONE!
However, other plans were made for us. I found out I was pregnant in 2007. I was stunned and confused. I was not at all sure how I could handle another baby. Gabrielle was just over a year old. Still waking up at night, wearing diapers, and in a car seat. Not my grandest plan, or so I thought.
Griffin has been the greatest blessing of my life. One of the BEST surprises! He is the happiest, most content baby I have ever seen. Always a smile on his face. People stop us in a crowded mall, to pay the the littlest Turner a compliment.
All of us are enamored by him. Gabi loves her playmate.
I couldn't have planned it better!!!