Ever feel though you are knee deep in muck. In all the shit that is life?
I have been stuck in it for almost 2 weeks.
No matter how I try, and can't get my boots loose. They get sucked back.
I have his hang up about doing something meaningful. Something that defines me as more than just a mother. Just a wife. Those of you who have small children know that doing something "big" is hard. I am lucky if I can keep up with the laundry. If dinner gets made. Pillow cases changed.
That's on a good day. Never mind if someone is sick or cutting teeth. Then I can't even pee on my own.
Well that being said, I feel as though I am the only one in my house standing still. Stuck in the crap.
That is actually what it all comes down to.
I. Am. Left. Behind.
My husband is directing a show for our local theatre group. I am so happy to see him once again involved. He loves it, and I love to see the fire of creativity in his eyes.
That is how we met. There is nothing so great, as being on stage. Especially when the person that you love most is standing with you. Sharing the spot light. Sharing the laughs.
It's OUR thing.
Andy-the-great is also going back to college. Again, I couldn't be more proud. It takes a lot to tuck your tail, and retake those shitty classes you failed. Sitting next to the over achieving 18 year old. Thinking about your classes..paper due...and making it to the dump on Saturday. No kegger for him.
I know that it may sound as though I am a bit jealous of my love.
I AM NOT!
I desperatly want him to go for it!
Do all those things that make him better...and happy. Creative. Successful.
I would like to be a partner in that. Not a spectator.
I want to help with the show. Be a reader. Sit behind him and watch him work. Share the "stories" that become the show.
I want to go to school too. Share that experience. Be able to talk about the professor with the bad comb over, and coffee breath. Research the theory of evolution.
3rd person, sucks!
It seems as though everything that makes him better...more creative...successful..
is without me. Away from me.
I am forever stuck in a mound of dirty Curious George panties and toddler socks. Making Fluffanutter sandwiches and chocolate milk. Watching other people walking on the road, while I am stuck in the muck!
Perhaps I need to board the Zoloft train.
counseling visit #2
20 hours ago