Another few thoughts....

Thanks for all of your comments yesterday, I appreciate the advice. This is NOT a decision to be made lightly. Nor do we want to be hasty in the out come.

Today I contacted our school district. I want to SEE our Special Ed department. I have also requested copies of IEP's and PET's to better understand CT's need in the educational system. You can't fight for something you don't understand.

I have also been doing a whole lot of research on his diagnosis' (plural). How he may have relationships with peers. How adjustments May be made! This is all a guess, of coarse. No one can predict his future. No one is absolutely sure what is "wrong" with him. He has a whole array of family history. From Bi-Polar to MR. Autism and OCD.

I do know that he is a delightful young boy. VERY loving with his foster family. Willing to help. BUT, he has cycles of good and bad. Much like Bi-polar.

3 weeks good...up a few times a week at night, can self sooth, happy as a clam.

1 week of down cycle. Tantrums. Up 4 or 5 times a night. Self harming, sometimes destructive.

None of this is scary, or unexpected. It is hard to make a decision based on the fact that we have never met. Don't have a relationship. Can't witness it. Haven't seen him interact with our children. OR ANY CHILDREN!

Maybe I am over thinking.

He is a boy.

A special needs child never given the chance to interact with children. Never been involved in a family with siblings. They don't take him to the park or playground (for fear he may misbehave), he is not mainstreamed. He doesn't have family functions. No one has ever fought for him (in my opinion). He is treated like a "special needs" child. Like you see in the movies. Secluded. With just his Foster Mom, therapist, or teacher.
How is he to learn "appropriate" behaviors. How is he to learn to play with peers?

I realize that any way you slice it...the transition period will be hard for us all. My whole family unit. My time will be split even farther. Gabrielle will have a bit of a bent nose. Time management will need to be worked on...and I will probably feel like I shall go out of my mind.
For some time.

But, in the end...he is a boy. In need of a loving forever family. One who is not afraid of a fight.

We are a strong family. A great family. With a lot of love. We are not afraid of a fight.

Hell, that is our everyday!

It happened!

It happened!
The disclosure meeting.
Andy and I headed there at 9 this morning. Me from home, him from the Farmington campus.
It lasted just under 2 hours and everything under the sun, was discussed. We now know every scrid of his history.
CT has been lucky enough to have the same Guardian Ad Li tum since before entering custody. He also has had only one foster home placement. This is GREAT for him, but will make transitioning that much harder.
CT's foster Mother was there. Gave some insight into everyday life with him. None of it scared me. My only really concern...well, question really...is that CT has had limited exposure to other children. They keep him in the "SPED" room in school, he has his play time when others are inside. That is the way his routine has worked out.
In our home he would have instant siblings. 7 days a week.
I have said this before, BUT, i just want to be what this boy needs. I want to do right by him. Give him the best of a family. My children are great kids. But, they have always known this life. A FULL life.
We meet for a question and answer session on Thursday. Then...
we think. And weigh. And ponder.
Hope to find wisdom to make the "right" choice.
How do you know what's RIGHT?
What's best?
How do I know I am enough?

How much is that doggie in the window???

I don't know how or why, but some how it follows me. Finds me. Like it or not.
DRAMA!
And, I hate it!

So, Andy-the-Great and I...well, mostly just me...decided to stud out our Border Collie. He is a GREAT dog, with a great pedigree, and thought it would be fun to breed him and see his puppies. We let him "at it" in May. He was the proud Papa to 11 adorable pups on June 21st.
Yup!
Father's Day.

I tried to contact the females owner several times to see the pups, with no luck. I was disappointed and chalked up the stud fee to a loss.

Fast forward 8 weeks...
I get a call that the owner of the female wanted to bring the remaining pups over for us to see. Wanted to do it during Daycare hours, in hopes of selling the last 4.
When she arrived, she unloaded the dogs, told me that she had "gotten rid of" the Mother. Also that she needed someone to watch the puppies for a week while she looked for a place to live.
Told me that she couldn't care for them at the moment...she was living in a camper with her 2 kids.

I agreed to one week.
Mind you, she had sold 7 of these babies for $600 each!

They had not had shots or been wormed, and were LOADED with fleas!
So, I contacted her about vaccinations and flea medication. I was told NOT to deal with theses issues, and to let the new owners take care of it.
One of the puppies( "Elanor the fair") developed diarrhea, vomiting, and blood in her poop.
I took her to the vet. A bacteria was found in her intestines that needed antibiotic. She also had tape worms. So I purchased worm er for the lot of them.

Then one sold. I sold him for $300. To pay for vaccinations that were due.
When I contacted the breeder, she said that she couldn't afford to loose anymore money on these pups. She needed, after all, to pay for her security deposit on a new place. At the moment she was on a 2 week vacation with her live in boyfriend.

Last week, a female ("Ruby") jumped headlong off our 2nd story deck, to get to me as I was feeding the chickens. Broke out out of her pen, and jumped.
Broke her left foreleg and tore a bunch of ligaments in both front legs.
Again, I contacted the breeder. She advised me to do nothing. A vet visit would be to costly. Perhaps they would heal on their own.
Sooo...I took her to the vet, anyway. Had X-rays and treatment. We worked out a plan for future treatments.
The breeder contacted me from her vacation (the 2nd one) in Missouri. I told her that I had her treated, and got the scolding of a life time. She said "They are my pups, and I will decide if they should be put down or treated". I was negligent in allowing her to fall, and someone with better capabilities would be coming to get the pups.

I proceeded to "tactfully" tell her to F*#K off. She disappeared for 4 weeks, and gave no food or medication. Those now become my dogs! I couldn't sell them for what I have in them.

My brother and sister-in-law took one male. For free. I couldn't handle them all.

So, Andy and I are proud OWNERS of two female border collie puppies. One with stomach issues and one with 2 wounded legs!
We couldn't be happier..well, when I say "WE"...I really mean "me".


p.s. Thanks honey bun for putting up with me!
: )

100th post!

Wow. My 100th post. I wish that I had something AMAZING to blog.

Nope.

Just a little bit of this, and that!

I do have a great picture to post.

This is Andy-the-Great and I, apple picking. We love to go, and try to do it every year. This Sunday we took the littles and Alyssa with us. The older boys opted not to go. They felt World Of Warcraft was far to important. The oldest daughter..well...is 17. I am not even sure she lives here anymore. Hardly ever home. We picked a few...ate a few...and had YUMMY apple dumplings afterward. The babies loved the tractor ride best, I think. Me...the dumpling, I guess. And kissin my man in the sunshine!

I should be hearing from CT's Sw tomorrow. That is what I was told. We'll see. I had never realized how sllloooowwwlllyy the system works. It is amazing that children get placed at all.

I am joining a new support group for adoptive parents her in Oxford Hills. It will be nice to share stories. I find such much support in sharing my stories with you here in the blogoshere. And much comfort reading your experiences. It will be nice to lay my eyes on people in the same boat. Dealing with the same state systems. maybe they will help to ease the stress of it. And you all...of course!

The kiddos are just getting over a really odd virus. 4 of our 6 had it. It came with a fever of 102-ish and a mouth full of canker sores. Ty has gone 6 days without eating. He drinks just enough to survive. Can't wait for that to get out of my house! Hopefully never to return again. The smell of bleach is getting old. The look of pain in my kids eyes as they eat...unbearable.

Andy-the-Great has started school. He is working on his first paper as we speak. I know that he will do well. In all of his classes. It is important to him. THIS TIME he is ready.

GUESS WHAT?

You will not even beleive this!
Our final disclosure was POSTPONED. YUP!
A death in the social workers family. I am sorry for her loss...but frustrated as hell.
A few more week, I s'pose.

UGH!!!