Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Another few thoughts....

Thanks for all of your comments yesterday, I appreciate the advice. This is NOT a decision to be made lightly. Nor do we want to be hasty in the out come.

Today I contacted our school district. I want to SEE our Special Ed department. I have also requested copies of IEP's and PET's to better understand CT's need in the educational system. You can't fight for something you don't understand.

I have also been doing a whole lot of research on his diagnosis' (plural). How he may have relationships with peers. How adjustments May be made! This is all a guess, of coarse. No one can predict his future. No one is absolutely sure what is "wrong" with him. He has a whole array of family history. From Bi-Polar to MR. Autism and OCD.

I do know that he is a delightful young boy. VERY loving with his foster family. Willing to help. BUT, he has cycles of good and bad. Much like Bi-polar.

3 weeks good...up a few times a week at night, can self sooth, happy as a clam.

1 week of down cycle. Tantrums. Up 4 or 5 times a night. Self harming, sometimes destructive.

None of this is scary, or unexpected. It is hard to make a decision based on the fact that we have never met. Don't have a relationship. Can't witness it. Haven't seen him interact with our children. OR ANY CHILDREN!

Maybe I am over thinking.

He is a boy.

A special needs child never given the chance to interact with children. Never been involved in a family with siblings. They don't take him to the park or playground (for fear he may misbehave), he is not mainstreamed. He doesn't have family functions. No one has ever fought for him (in my opinion). He is treated like a "special needs" child. Like you see in the movies. Secluded. With just his Foster Mom, therapist, or teacher.
How is he to learn "appropriate" behaviors. How is he to learn to play with peers?

I realize that any way you slice it...the transition period will be hard for us all. My whole family unit. My time will be split even farther. Gabrielle will have a bit of a bent nose. Time management will need to be worked on...and I will probably feel like I shall go out of my mind.
For some time.

But, in the end...he is a boy. In need of a loving forever family. One who is not afraid of a fight.

We are a strong family. A great family. With a lot of love. We are not afraid of a fight.

Hell, that is our everyday!


Torina said...

You have a lot to think about! My daughter has a slew of diagnoses including all the ones you mentioned. She also had big-time social issues and we were SOOOO nervous of how she would be when we started introducing new kids to our family. It was challenging but I think she has grown immensely in her social skills. She now has behavioral role models with her brothers. The boys are so good and understanding with her. You might want to talk to your kids and get their take on things, explaining his disabilities. With my boys, once I explained that Tara has brain damage and what that meant, they stopped acting like she was "weird" and instead started treating her like an equal. Good luck!

Dia por Dia said...

I agree with Torina. Your description sounds alot like my son (he had 16 diagnostic labels)and most of them were inaccurate but we had to battle through it all. He was 7 almost 8 when we got him.

Ask around and find someone NOT in a school to go over his IEP for you and suggest an "ideal" placement. SPED people in schools tend to be helpful but look with an eye for what they can do which is helpful but you want a "fuller" picture. Our son had been in self-contained "behavior" classroom since he was 3 1/2. He couldn't read or write his name and had some speech issues which were mentioned in his IEP but addressed IN a behavior classroom. When I got him I demanded a Speech/ Language classroom rather than a behavior classroom and we got it. NEVER a behavior problem in school with him again and he was reading in 2 months. Go with your gut on this one and whatever you decide it will be the right decision.

obladi oblada said...

I agree with Torina too, but then again, I usually do!

I do not think you are over thinking at all....I think you are trying to think of everything, and that is good.

Im saddened that this boy has been kept away from others, because you are right, he needs the exposure!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Ha, I was going to leave an encouraging comment but Torina and DIa have already done it!
I can tell you my daughter came from the same sort of isolated situation, however she was only 4 when we got her. But her social skills were appalling! A 4 year old body and abilities with a young toddler mind set! Exposure to her sister and taking her frequently to the park caught her up quickly. She still needs a lot of help but does not stand out anymore (imo, which is admittedly biased).
Good luck!